don’t kill pigeons during your date.  it doesn’t work in real life, and it doesn’t work in GTA4.

morgan webb of X-Play on G4 TV.

a few years ago, i was at a restaurant with a friend of mine.  when her meal came, she complained about it and had it sent back to the kitchen.  when it came back, it still wasn’t right and she sent it back for the second time.  at this point, i knew they were spitting into her food back there.

i didn’t really care about her food.  i just didn’t want them to do anything to mine.  luckily i had already gotten my meal but i didn’t order anything else and never returned to that restaurant.

my roommate in college told me the secret to happiness.  he said that you just have to find something simple that you can easily replicate that makes you happy in life.

the other day, my showerhead got plugged up with gunk and so I decided to go buy a new one instead of cleaning it.  upon installing this new showerhead, i’ve discovered the secret to happiness.  yes, it’s a great shower.  so simple.  so elegant.

when i was a kid, i used to save the best part of my meal for last.  i’d suffer through eating the yucky vegetables so that i can finish my meal with the best part of the meal, which was usually the steak.

the only problem with this approach was that sometimes what was supposed to be the best part didn’t turn out to be so good.  or sometimes, i’d get full before i even got to the steak.

slowly, i learned that the best thing to do was to eat the steak first. if it didn’t taste so good, at least i knew it right away and there was no disappointment later.

as i progressed with my eating technique, i even got to the point where i’d eat the best part of the steak first.  some people eat the steak from left to right.  some from right to left.  some from the outer edges towards the center.   i start from the center of the center.  eating the best part of the steak.

this way, if the best part of the steak is no good, i don’t even have to bother eating the rest of the steak.  i save time, and useless anticipation.

the iPhone.

it’s sexy.

it doesn’t matter that the EDGE on at&t is slow. it doesn’t matter that there is no GPS. it doesn’t matter that you can’t cut and paste text. it doesn’t matter that there is no keyboard. it doesn’t matter that sometimes the browser will crash. it doesn’t matter that there is no java support. it doesn’t matter that you cannot text message multiple people simultaneously.

it doesn’t matter that you have to pay $599 for what is estimated to cost apple $220. it doesn’t matter that the battery is not removable and the entire unit must be sent to apple at a cost of $80 to replace while you do not have your cell phone. it doesn’t matter that the headphone jack requires a $10 adapter to use with your existing headset. it doesn’t matter that there is no stereo bluetooth, even though this is supposed to be an iPod replacement for listening to music.

why?

because it’s sexy.

just like that last girl that was crazy.

it doesn’t matter that she stole your car and crashed it. it doesn’t matter that she then smashed your plasma TV with a baseball bat. it doesn’t matter that she then put your entire CD collection in the microwave and cooked them. it doesn’t matter that she did all this after she told your boss what you said about his ugly wife.

why?

because she’s sexy.